TINY LITTLE STEPS
My first attempt at planting something was when my mother refused to give me lunch until I had washed the dishes and apologized to her for my behavior. I walked to our kitchen then and got a few beans out of a black polythene bag, I picked up a rusty tin from the compound and filled it with soil. I planted the beans, watered the seeds, and sat on the veranda beside my mother’s potted plants waiting for my own beans to grow because I wanted to cook my own food. I thought it would be easy and instant because that is what I wanted. Long story short, I later apologized to my mother and shed a few tears so that I could eat.
I wanted and expected those beans to start sprouting there and then. I thought it was going to be easy. Plus, I had given them a really hard look. The one I use when I want someone to do something without me saying much. I badly wanted those beans to grow. Like me, everyone wants things to happen fast, easily and at the best timing or our timing, but it rarely works out the way we want and expect it to there and then.
Now that I am older and too imaginative, I know that planting a seed is not a quick and easy process though it is filled with good intentions. You see , you have to pick up a seed, throw it into a hole in the dirt on its own, cover it and wait for a few days before you can see it sprout. The soil you throw it in must feel lonely, uncomfortable and suffocating . I doubt whether the seed knows that you have good intentions and that the process will be beautiful in the end because there is so much pain, loneliness and loss in that moment.
The mystery of a growing seed is so much like what happens in our lives. Overcoming bad habits, painful pasts, grief, getting over a heartbreak, adapting to new living situations like a pandemic, adapting to a career change, overcoming an addiction, striving for good habits and changing who you are can all be painful, uncomfortable and unpleasant processes. Like a seed, you do not know whether the process will be beautiful and successful in the end because there is so much discomfort, newness, loneliness and uncertainty involved and sometimes we must wait, put in a lot of work, sacrifice and also endure periods of no growth.
Do not give up on me yet because I write too much! Every time you read this, I want you to know that rest assured there will eventually be change and it will all be worth it. The sacrifices will be worth the wait, God will keep providing for you and renewing your strength, you will overcome the bad habits, your heart will heal from the pain, you will find new ways of surviving in these tough times, you will eventually become a better person you have always dreamed of becoming. There might be pain, loss, loneliness and sometimes you might have to sacrifice something in return. There is also the waiting bit. We might wait for very long on that veranda too! I Sometimes I sit for months on the veranda waiting for things to change. It gets so uncomfortable and lonely so I can really relate.
PS: Thank you for always reading and sharing my writing, it gives me so much joy and encourages me to sit on that veranda patiently because I know I am walking this journey with you. Thank you❤
