We need to talk
“I pray my friends get through the things they never talk about” or “I pray I get through the things I never talk about” is what we hear people say and sometimes, if not most of the time post on their social media. Personally, I have used it more times than I can remember, and I meant it when I used it. You see, we all talk about the good things. I talk about all the good and happy events. I share news that brings me joy. There are things though that I never talk about. I can bet my first born, who I am yet to have, that you too have those things you do not talk about. I am not here to discuss what news I share or what makes me happy but rather to ask you to reflect on a few questions.
What do you do when things do not go the way you want them to? Who do you talk to when you are sad? Where do you go when the world seems like it is out there to get you? How do you keep sane when everything around you is falling apart? How do you react when you have been rejected, abused and treated unjustly? Where do you get strength when you have gone through multiple failures, grief, periods of no growth and when you do not know what to do next because you do not have any other options?
Like me, most of you have probably thought about these questions but not deeply enough to realize that your well-being is affected by what you go through daily. We should come up with ways to cope every day. For example, sharing or discussing what happens in your life is an essential part of coping with life’s constant changes. It gives you an outlet, helps you get over some issues, solve problems, handle stress and make decisions that seem too tough.
I don’t know what you do when faced with some of these questions and difficult situations, but I want to tell you a few things you can do. You should be kind to yourself and others. You may not be perfect but you have made it this far. You should surround yourself with healthy relationships and positive interactions with other people. Participate in fun activities with a group of people you like and feel comfortable around. Form a club of whatever kind with others where you can do different things, and remember that with or without money, you can still do something to make you happy.
When things don’t go the way I want them to, I take some time off alone to think and get my issues together. You will find me holding salt and vinegar crisps muttering to myself and verbally reassuring myself. I have a board in my room filled with affirmation words. To an outsider, these words look weird, but those words give me so much strength and assurance every day. You cannot mutter to yourself something like “I am brave” ten times and still feel scared. Personally, my favorite is “I am beautiful”. It makes me smile all the time. I am also slowly learning to be patient with myself (A lot of emphasis on the slowly). I forgive myself when I make mistakes. When I am confused and do not know what to do, I am not ashamed to seek for advice from my friends and family. Those times when I feel under the weather, I call some funny people who tell me stories and share their problems with me too. We then laugh and I sort of forget my issues and most of the time, I get advice and reassurance from many of these conversations.
Talking about the wins, happy times, and memorable events is not enough. We also need to talk about what is wrong and what we fear. There is no shame in talking and seeking help when we need it. We need to know that there is always someone willing to listen and talk. Do not die in this movie called life! You are not alone. You need to know that your well-being matters! Not only to you, but to others as well. Do not keep silent about what is going on. I am sharing my experiences and coping mechanisms to encourage you to find things that work for you. I hope that my stories remind you that there are others still trying to figure it out like you are.
